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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in the "ericgriffinno1" journal:[<< Previous 20 entries]
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02:43 am
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Question
Q; This is actually very low, but.... I want everyone to think really hard on this one........Out of all the people you say you love, can you honestly say you mean it to every single person?
Honesty please, i've only recently been able to say that Yes i mean it everytime i say it.....and she doesn't care, for all of you who i've told those 3 words too, i hope you took it seriously, cause i mean it.
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02:31 am
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Random shit lyrics
I whisper those magic words
"i love you" over and over again
I try to tell myself
that they have a meaning to me
I hold back a tear,
that's stained with blood
the choking in my throat
all becomes too clear
We were locked in this immortal kiss
No one can replace what we had
That moment that me and you shared
Will last until we die,
even if you don't care
I lie in the grass at night
thinking of your touch
your face keeps appearing in the sky
and i can't hold back
these feelings no more
the tears roll down my face
and im taken to another place
shit, but it's unique, 'cause it's my shit and i wrote it there and then.
Kenny
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02:21 am
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Family Affairs
Here's the deal;
Family are what? The safety net we all need when things get tough?, The people who stood round you when you were upset?, The people who encouraged you when you felt the cause was lost?...So what's the last thing we want to do?...got it?......Piss them off and fall out with them!
Yup yup, the next chapter in Kenny's life is that now i have a grand total of......3 whole relatives who don't cringe when my name is spoken, that be, my dad, uncle and aunty
That's alot of relatives huh?...What do i do? Go back on what i stood up for and live the way they want me to? or.....Alternativly, be myself, fuck everyone else and stand up for the beliefs that put me in this fucking hole in the first place, but still seem very very attractive to the eyes of a male teenager...i choose the latter, the reason i have 3 relatives talking to me, cause they helped me become what i am, i have the people who mean the most to me by my side (except one, but she isn't family) and i feel fucking invincible to the rest of my family...
*rant over*
oh yeah, Portugal fucking rocked! Thanks Chris for stopping me from dying and getting arrested! you rock man!
Kenny
Current Mood:  crazy
Current Music: Incubus - Circles
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09:37 pm
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Problem
Was at the school prom last night....
Why the fuck was i there? It was pathetic to say the least. I was there to say " you look nice in that dress" all night to 'ladies' that spent the last year in school telling me that being different made me a weirdo, and on one of the most important nights of a teenage girls life...they relied on the weirdo, to tell them they looked good.
So I bailed, I sat at the bar with a friend and drunk 'til I had to go home.
What fun?, Fuck yeah! Getting drunk is never more appealing than when at a prom. I mean picture this, a goth, in a kilt, surrounded by neds with alcohol in his hand.
That's the position i was in last night.
It was shit, but hey; at least i got drunk and had a good time with an old friend. It's amazing how much you need old friends when you feel alone. They never go away and even if you haven't spoke in years - as soon as you meet them, you feel like it was only yesterday.
It's amazing as well; how many people don't want to talk to you when you're not online.
Let me explain.....
I used msn all the time, i spoke to alot of people - people who told me they cared about me or wished we spoke more often. Then my computer breaks, i can't get online.....so i text all the people or phone them and chat, well at least i tried too. The amount of people who never text back or don't return calls is unbelievable, was i just another contact to waste time speaking to on msn, was i stupid to believe that people wanted to talk to me, was it because they were all busy, is it because people are getting so lazy that returning a call seems like such hard work, when chatting away on msn seems much more attractive....well i don't know and i don't care. I've lost alot of respect for people.
And don't worry, i've told all those people who i've lost respect for...
Fuck the system, cause it's fucking you......
"I'm not better than anyone, I just know the true meaning of respect"
Current Mood:  Pissed Off
Current Music: Sonata Arctica - World In My Eyes
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11:49 pm
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Night
Well, if today was anything to go by;
My life is gonna be shit.......
1 - Locked self outside grans house
2 - had to break into my grans house
3 - broke lamp whilst attempting to break in
4 - Stood on cat, fell over, hit head..
so yeah i've had an eventful day......
Keep it up Kenny..
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12:44 am
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Simple
It's simple;
We all think we're better than others. Correct. Don't deny it, we all do it. Even people who think they're lowest of the lowest have hates. So why do we do it? Why do we take satisfaction in other peoples pain? Come on we all think we're amazing fucking wonderfully loved people. So come on, why do we do it? Cause i have no fucking clue, why one human being, thinks that they, are better than someone else. Surely the thought of thinking you're better than someone else directly makes you lower than them? no?
The fact is, we're all fucked up and Neds, well fuck, there just a fucking excuse for humans, They just hate for the sake of hating. I mean fuck they miss the point of hating!
Happy slapping, see this used to be something to the equivalent of the tango slap, where you randomly walk up and slap someone(a friend) just to see the reaction in there face!, but no! the NED (that's Non-educated Deliquant) has to come along, completely miss the fcuking point of having a laugh and take the fucking shit way too far! I mean NEDS will fuck this country up!
I'm scottish through and through, but it makes me wish i lived else where, when people can't even look at each other as equals..
YES I'm A HYPORCRIT! WHY? Well, if you don't get it keep thinking.
I don't hate anyone, Unless you hate me...Nuff said.
Current Mood:  angry
Current Music: Motherfucker, I Don't Care - Murderdolls
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09:39 am
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Losing Grip
As the night went on,
I knew i was tripping,
slowing,
falling,
losing grip.
I held on so tight
hoping i would prevail
to my dismay
i lost grip and fell.
I try to grab back on
no luck for the lonely
I'll fall
and hope
that someone
will pick me up
dust me off
and let me try again.
I hate this feeling,
of not knowing
The feelings and thoughts
that run through her mind.
I wish i knew
what i could do
to make her see
all i want;
is to be with her.
Current Mood: confused
Current Music: Regret - New Order
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07:41 am
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Oh well
It's...what..ten to nine, and here i am again.
Last night; Was sitting down, chilling out in front of the TV with a couple of beers and shit and i thought. " is this what i've become ". Seventeen and i'm a bum already.
Then just as i thought that, my theory was kicked in the ass.
A ned pulled up outside the house(not directly outside my house, but within viewing distance) and he sat there for at least 15 minutes, with the sash playing out of his shitty little corsa.He then started the car and drove away. Fair enough i thought, maybe this ned was considerate and his phone was ringing, then i thought, "nah, he's got the sash blaring"..Then i thought, maybe he was picking up a mate, and just as i convinced myself "yeah that's what it was"..A guy came out the house, with a celtic top on shouting abuse down the road at the car that had just left.
This is where i prove that no matter what i do, i'll never be a bum compared to these guys. I mean, this ned pulled up outside a house, with the sash blaring just to wind up this guy....
Kinda cheered me up, thinking that i was no where near as bad as these guys
Then i got a text off of the girl that i love and i was just soo happy!
i still hope things can happen between us, i love her to pieces. I keep smiling everytime i think about her. I don't mean to be all lovey dovey, but she is the nicest and most gorgeous girl i know and i want to be with her.
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11:54 pm
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Vision
I want her to see i need her.
She was the best thing that ever happened to me.
I loved her then and i love her now.
She is the best thing a guy could want;
she's funny, cute, loving, caring, cuddly and does everything to make you feel like the best person in the world...
this is why i need her, i've done other things i regret but they've all made me realise that she is the one i want, and all along she has been the only girl that i can honestly say, i've loved forever.
I just wish she could see all of this...
I feel empty without her, i feel lost without her.
Current Mood:  depressed
Current Music: Motley Crue - If I Die Tomorrow
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10:21 pm
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UPDATED
What is your name?: Kenny Black
How old are you?: 17
When is your Birthday?: 9th of Novemeber
What is your zodiac sign?: Scorpio
Where were you born?: Edinburgh
Where do you live now?: Harthill
What color are your eyes?: blue
What color is your hair?: Black!
How tall are you?: 6ft 1 or 2
What is your race?: white
What is your worst fear?: I need a new one! the fucking dolls basically split!emm my bands geting rid of me!
Do you smoke?: nope
Do you drink?: yup
Do you cuss?: Yup
Do you use drugs?: Oh Yus
Have you or will you ever steal?: nope
Are you dependable and/or trustworthy?: yeah
Do you play in a band or play an instrument?:yes play bass in two bands
Do you have any tattoos and/or piercings?: Both ears and my lip! Tattoo and more piercings planned!
If you had a favorite serial killer who would it be?:Fuck off that's sad
Do you suffer from depression disorder?: Nope I just enjoy it!
If you had a choice about how you wanted to die what would it be?: on stage
Have you ever tried to commit suicide?:Yes, for various reasons,im by that stage, im learning to enjoy life
Have you ever purposely caused harm to yourself or someone else?: no
Are you evil?: Yes!
Do you believe that you can be possesed?:yup
Are you a paranoid?: yes.the most paranoid person ever
Do you ever get jealous of somebody else?: Yes
Are you obsessive and/or compulsive?: yes obsessive
Are you a violent person?: lose my temper alot
Do you take your anger out on other people?: yup
Do you blame other people for your mistakes?: depends
What is your favorite game?: Football
What is your favorite movie?: Queen of the Damned
Who is your favorite band?:MURDERDOLLS/DSI/Blownaparts
What is your favorite song?: Dead In Hollywood
What kind of books do you read?: I, Lucifer/White Trash/interview with a vampire/Dracula
What is your favorite color?: Black
What is your favorite food?: Lasange
What is your favorite drink?: Irn Bru
Do you skateboard?: no
Do you watch wrestling?: no
Do you study martial arts?: no
Do you own a pari of converse?: nope
Do you own a pair of dickies?: no
Would you ever kill yourself or someone else?:No, would be weird if i did cause of a questionaire!
Do you like biting?: nope i get bit tho
Do you masturbate?: all the freakin time
Do you watch pornography?: woohoo porn
Have you ever dyed your hair an unusual color?: Pink/orange
Are you hyper active person?: not alot
Do you like to write poetry?: No
Do you like to do your own photography?: Yeh
Do you like modeling and/or acting?: no
Do you have any self inflicted scars? no
Are you religious?: Fuck off!
Do you stand for originality and creativity?: yeah
Do you believe in vampires?: course!
Does pain turn you on?: Depends on the situation
Do you believe in witchcraft?:yes
Have you ever played a oiuja board or used tarrot cards?:No
Do you like to rave or go to clubs often?: nope raves suck
Do you go to many concerts?: hell yeah :D Rock on!
Do you like meeting new people and hanging out?: yeah
What do you like most about life?: Music
What do you dislike most about life?: Neds
Do you believe in love at first sight?: love at first fright yes!
Do you think these questions are stupid?: nope
Do you think this quiz sucks?: nope
How would you compare my quiz to others?: Its like wanking and your getting nowhere...
Current Mood: cynical
Current Music: Blue Monday - Orgy( New Order Cover)
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10:14 pm
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Band
Music is my life, Music is my dads life.
Music determines my life. Sad i know, but that's the way i am.
I make music, or rather, i attempt to make music.
but as i'm a bass player, it's really hard to make music minus a band.
Now i mean, i'm obsessed with music, so not being able to play makes me fucking scratch at the walls!
Current Mood:  creative
Current Music: Need You Like A Drug - Zeromancer!
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09:56 pm
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As i Said...life
Pick up the phone
Read the text, why? What did i do?
Yeah, i've changed. For the good.
Miss you i say, i'll wait.
No point you say.
Pick up the guitar go all emo...no no no
go heavy, act like a child.
Do children get heartbroken
i think they do
what's the point, i give up
nothing for me, too late now
turn up the music
lay down on the bed.
Give up
no
She means too much.
no point she doesnt want you.
So i can prove to her i want her
Try and fail
fuck off
Current Mood: Upset
Current Music: Last Train Home - Lostprophets
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12:01 am
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Wow, cobwebs
Hey, im back! armed with make up and a guitar!
how is everyone!
Kenny
Current Mood: crazy
Current Music: Murderdolls - People Hate Me
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02:14 am
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Today
Well Where Do I Start....
.well!this mornin i got up n decided i wood decorate my room..So i emptied my room n painted it black( i had been plannin this for a while) i stripped everything out of my room n tidyed up..so i have an empty black room!..I then went on msn n bored my self shitless for a couple of hours before my 'pals' (IE ppl who annoy me now cos im a goth) came to the door..i foolishly went along n stayed at his house..where we got into an arguement n i eventually walked home from his house at two am..so i came home n sat down and am typing this! Soz i aint posted in a while but as u can see i have fuck all to say cept Hullo to all my pals! n a wish the band wood gets its arse into gear! no hinting wot so ever jazz! anyways ill stop boring u all n leave ya in peace!
Current Mood:  Paranoid
Current Music: Murderdolls-twist my sister
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07:13 pm
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quiz!
What is your name?: Kenny Black
How old are you?: 16
When is your Birthday?: 9th of Novemeber
What is your zodiac sign?: Scorpio
Where were you born?: Edinburgh
Where do you live now?: Harthill
What color are your eyes?: blue
What color is your hair?: mainly blonde now
How tall are you?: 6ft 4
What is your race?: white
What is your worst fear?: the murderdolls splittin
Do you smoke?: nope
Do you drink?: yup
Do you cuss?: Yup
Do you use drugs?: Nope
Have you or will you ever steal?: nope
Are you dependable and/or trustworthy?: yeah
Do you play in a band or play an instrument?:yes play bass
Do you have any tattoos and/or piercings?: ear n hopefully ma lip
If you had a favorite serial killer who would it be?:Charles Manson
Do you suffer from depression disorder?: Yup manic depression
If you had a choice about how you wanted to die what would it be?: on stage
Have you ever tried to commit suicide?: ....
Have you ever purposely caused harm to yourself or someone else?: no
Are you evil?: Yes!
Do you believe that you can be possesed?:yup
Are you a paranoid?: yes.the most paranoid person ever
Do you ever get jealous of somebody else?: Yes
Are you obsessive and/or compulsive?: yes obsessive
Are you a violent person?: lose my temper alot
Do you take your anger out on other people?: yup
Do you blame other people for your mistakes?: depends
What is your favorite game?: Football
What is your favorite movie?: Dawn Of The Dead (original)
Who is your favorite band?:MURDERDOLLS!
What is your favorite song?: Dressed To Depress
What kind of books do you read?: Anything
What is your favorite color?: Black
What is your favorite food?: Lasange
What is your favorite drink?: Irn Bru
Do you skateboard?: no
Do you watch wrestling?: no
Do you study martial arts?: no
Do you own a pari of converse?: nope
Do you own a pair of dickies?: no
Would you ever kill yourself or someone else?: if it was for pleasure
Do you like biting?: nope i get bit tho
Do you masturbate?: all the freakin time
Do you watch pornography?: woohoo porn
Have you ever dyed your hair an unusual color?: gold
Are you hyper active person?: not alot
Do you like to write poetry?: No
Do you like to do your own photography?: no
Do you like modeling and/or acting?: no
Do you have any self inflicted scars? no
Are you religious?: Fuck off!
Do you stand for originality and creativity?: yeah
Do you believe in vampires?: course!
Does pain turn you on?: Depends on the situation
Do you believe in witchcraft?:yes
Have you ever played a oiuja board or used tarrot cards?:No
Do you like to rave or go to clubs often?: nope raves suck
Do you go to many concerts?: hell yeah :D Rock on!
Do you like meeting new people and hanging out?: yeah
What do you like most about life?: Music
What do you dislike most about life?: Neds N hardcore kids (wots the diff?)
Do you believe in love at first sight?: love at first fright yes!
Do you think these questions are stupid?: nope
Do you think this quiz sucks?: nope
How would you compare my quiz to others?: its like biting a big smell veruca!
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10:41 pm
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HA!
Well am supposed to be goin to my mums..but fuck it..i mite not even make it there...or i mite not make it back..either way..lol..its goin to be killer!
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12:07 am
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The Day
Well..went to play with the band lol...well i tried too....it was kool..i had to deal with a ninja leesy and a sumo jazz but i defeated them...i slept most of the day tho...i luv my bed more than me loL!
any one agree?? anyways i only have piss to tok about so i may aswell shut up....Lookin forward to seein slipknot woot! they guys fuckin rock and joey jordison is god!
Current Mood: crazy
Current Music: Frankenstein Drag Queens - Scary Song!
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01:27 am
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hey
tis half one in the mornin..any1 wanna tok? lol
Current Mood:  artistic
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01:16 am
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the day!
Well i slept in cos i coodnt be bothered goin to skool..jst aswell eh..the place is shit..anyways..i slept about played the guitar a lil..now if u wana know how bad i sound...get sum1 to shout into ur ears and the painful ringing noise u get is wot i sound like(btw dont do it)..then i went to my pals and hung around for a while! my day has been shite actually but im tryin to remain optmisitc...only two weeks until i move!
Current Mood:  blah
Current Music: Murderdolls - white wedding
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12:34 am
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GIG
well lets jst say that my worst gig ever!and soz the the guys at grad day...The band dun nuffin wrong...i jst played shit...ppl keep tellin me i didnt ...but the last song we played i coodnt play cos i didnt hear myself...and then i didnt even get to see the headline band becos the gig kicked off late..so i played shit and missed the band i was there to see...well congrats to the rest of the band they dun great...soz guys! anyways as for the rest of the day skool was good lol..we dun nuffin and i met a singing ninja hamster....excellent anyways catch ya l8r
Current Mood: bitchy
Current Music: Amen - Californias Bleeding
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